I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
