his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
