I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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