I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
