He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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