Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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