I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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