he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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