When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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