Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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