I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
