I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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