yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
