On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
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three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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