see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
