Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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