that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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