At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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