found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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