An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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