I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The Olympian is in my bed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
