just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
