On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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