ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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