I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
