I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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