Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
