Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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