What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wear drunk well.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
