Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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