I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize