Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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