i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize