what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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