we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
