I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
