dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
