alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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