Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
