i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
