Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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