We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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