i jhust puked up my retainher.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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