He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
