Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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