We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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