The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
