Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
