i think i have two assholes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
