at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
