i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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