i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
