Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
