I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
