I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
